The Risks of Sharing

I just came back from a performance that I didn't like. I disliked it so much that I walked out before it was over.

I bumped into an acquaintance, someone I don't know very well. I made a quick decision that I later regretted -- I shared about it.

I told her about the event and how repelled I was. I said that I found the performance offensive and quite upsetting. Without skipping a beat, she said, "I would have loved something like that." And then she said goobye and walked away.

Immediately I regretted saying anything to her. The way she summarily dismissed what I said was so invalidating as to be shaming. It left a bad taste in my mouth and was triggering.

Have you ever had a situation like this, where you shared and immediately regretted it? Have you innocently told someone something, only to have the person dismiss it or even shame you about it?

This can be a big problem if you have a tendency to overshare. Telling others too much and too quickly is a recipe for shame. .

What's the remedy here then?

First, acknowledge that sometimes sharing too much or with the wrong person won't work.

Second, accept that others are not always going to say what we expect or want to hear.

Third, remember that our sharing is coming from a good pace. We all want to be understood and connect with others. We expect that even if the other person doesn't agree, he or she will respond in a sensitive way. Sadly, though, this isn't always the case

Fourth, it's important to be discerning. I wasn't in this case because this acquaintance tends to be flippant. So it was unwise for me to share with her, and I will try not to repeat my mistake.

Lastly, support your efforts to reach out and connect. We can't control other people's reactions, and sometimes those reactions will push our buttons. But we have to sometimes take the risk.