The Joylessness of Joy?

There is a local meditation teacher who has taught a class on joy for decades. I've never taken the class. But the results from the few people I know who took the class don't impress me.

Now the people who completed the class were perfectly satisfied with it. I wouldn't say they were exactly joyous. But they seemed to think it was worth their time, although from my vantage point, I have to wonder.

My sample is quite small: I only know three people who took the class. But let me detail what they told me, with all names changed to hide their identity.

Debra was the first person I knew who took the Joy class. I was surprised that she did this. Debra is a pretty upbeat and cheerful person, a native Californian from So Cal.

During the class, the participants were assigned a joy partner. The two would email their experiences with finding joy throughout the day.

Debra had nothing positive to say about her partner, Joe. In fact, she felt shamed by him on more than one occasion. Apparently, Debra was complaining too much (aka being honest) about her day. Joe scolded her that she was reducing his joy. Debra ended the class feeling more of a joy-failure than a success.

Then there was Anna, who also took the Joy class. Frankly, Anna seemed like a nervous wreck after taking it. She fretted incessantly about not being joyful enough. She would chastise herself when she was in a bad mood, which just made the bad mood worse.

Finally, there was Ellen. This story is the saddest of the bunch, at least for me. Ellen was a good friend of mine until she took the Joy class.

Now it could be just a coincidence what happened next. But here goes: Ellen went from a blunt, direct and often complaining New Yorker to someone high on "Hopium." No matter what was happening in her life, she gave a positive spin to it.

Unfortunately, our friendship became a casualty to her new, happy clappy spirit. She decided that I was no longer spiking her joy but was harshing her mellow. So out I went, and that was the end of my friendship with Ellen.

My conclusion: the Joy class may be helpful to some. But, in my view, we can't learn joy. We can't force joy -- either on ourselves or others. And to try to do so is unnatural and ultimately unworkable.

Joy does happen! But it's a spontaneous emotion. The goal is not to force yourself to be joyful if your mother is sick or your boss is impossible or traffic is horrible.

The goal is to notice the sudden moments of joy that can happen at any time, especially when you just let it happen. You come home from work, eat a nice dinner, sit down to relax and suddenly -- joy, even for a moment.

Or you look at a loved one and don't notice his or her annoying qualities but how sweet the person is and then -- joy. Or you go to the bank and for some unexplained reason, there is that visceral feeling of joy.

Take a joy class if you want to. That same teacher has published a joy book as well, if you'd prefer the print version. But perhaps more importantly, just enjoy the moments when joy appears, because it happens to everyone, if we just let it.